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Cat calls for the resignation of Chief Vinny

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A Sheltered Life – stories as told to Maggie Haylock-Capon, by Liza, resident greeter at the Loyalist Humane Society. (Photographs by Alan R. Capon)

(If you are unable to adopt a cat or kitten, there are many other important ways to help the LHS. Donations of Javex and other household cleaning products, garbage bags, grocery bags, litter, cat food and kitten food are welcome. The Loyalist Humane Society is located on County Road 4, (Talbot Street), near the intersection of Tripp Road.)

Hi, Everyone,



It’s Liza, official Meeter and Greeter for the Loyalist Humane Society reporting live from The Laundry Room. As spoksecat for our shelter it has fallen to me to issue a formal statement regarding the shocking allegations against our new police chief, Vinny.

I should like to begin by saying that we believe our chief to be innocent on all counts. It is our contention that he was the victim of a shameful deception plotted by Franco and his band of low-lifes.
As you know, Cruiser joined our new police force solely to act as a mole. When he heard that the chief was about to shut down Scroggins still in the underbrush behind the shelter, he ran straight to Franco with the news. Franco, who is one of Scroggins best customers, realized there was no time to waste. He decided to enlist the aid of Spitty Riley, in dealing with the chief.

Our resident Queen of the Ferals is always happy to help out her old friend, Franco, so when he outlined his plan she pronounced it the cat’s meow. She fluffed her fur and set out for the police station where she asked to speak to Chief Vinny about an urgent matter. When ushered into his office, she batted her big green eyes and reported that her flea collar had been stolen. Then she told him how handsome he looked in his new uniform. When he said he would have to make out a theft report, she invited him to stop by her home, which is on the wild side of town, in the feral room. She purred that they would be much more comfortable there.

Vinny took the bait and that evening arrived at her door, promptly at 7 p.m. Spitty invited him inside and offered him a glass of cat milk, which had been spiked by Zeke with one of Torte’s sleeping pills. Within minutes. Vinny was sound asleep on Spitty’s sofa.  A catnip cigar was then stuck in his paw. Spitty called in Hissy Missy and one or two more of the girls and they cuddled up to the chief while Franco took pictures. In one shot, Spitty is wearing the chief’s hat and very little else.

These scandalous photos appeared in the Talbot Street Times and on YouTube along with a quote from Chief Vinny that read: “If I smoked a catnip cigar, I must have been in a drunken stupor.”

Now there have been cat calls for the resignation of Chief Vinny and in all the commotion everyone has forgotten about Scroggins’ still. Franco is looking very smug and telling everyone that he knew the police force would never last.

Chief Vinny has called for a review by the Feline Bureau of Investigation to clear his name.

Stay tuned to see if he will remain in office.

Cruiser was deputized by Police Chief Vinny and now drives a black and white. The Chief has no idea that he is really a mole for Franco and friends. He is also unaware that Cruiser won second place in a Cats That Look Like Hitler contest.

Vinny-VideoThe Vinny Video
Chief of Police Vinny as seen on YouTube. Accused of smoking a catnip cigar he says he must have been in a drunken stupor.

Our Chief of Police, Vinny, one of the few shelter cats with a career. Unfortunately, he is presently involved in a scandal involving Spitty O’Riley.

Sylvester now has a sponsor. He is the 60th cat at the LHS to be sponsored by a member of the community. He is presently busy composing a letter to his new foster parents.

Tickle-Me-TortieTickle Me Tortie
Tortie enjoys outdoor activities, especially paintball games. She is shown here in her camouflage suit which she dons whenever playing paintball. A mature cat, she remains young at heart and would be the purrfect companion for a retired couple.

Scuba was found living under the office at the LHS last winter. Mrs. Moffatt promptly invited him to come in from the cold and he has been here ever since. He’s handsome, personable, and available.

Harness is fervently hoping to be adopted by a family with a pool. He enjoys relaxing poolside and says he comes complete with Speedo.

Beautiful Blanche is eager to find a home of her own. Striking in white, she would be the ideal accent for any sofa.

Flambe-TremblayFlambe Tremblay
Left homeless when her elderly owner passed away, this mature calico cat would be purrfect for a senior citizen. Mrs. Moffat says she is “a sweetheart”.

If you’ve got it, flaunt it. Our resident hunk, Saylor, is always a big hit with the ladies. With his movie star good looks, he is a real heartthrob.

shes-a-keeperShe’s a Keeper
This beautiful, long-haired kitten found her forever home this week, along with one of her siblings. She’s just a sample of the many beautiful cats at the LHS now seeking families of their own.

Call-me-availableJust Call Me Available
This pert, short-haired kitten was a little depressed when her two long-haired siblings found a forever home together. She’s hoping someone will choose her as their new BFF very soon.

Acing-an-auditionAcing an Audition
This kitten definitely knows how to work a crowd. When a young couple came to adopt his brother this week he made such a persuasive pitch for a forever home that they left with not one, but two, balls of fluff. This kitten definitely has a bright future in sales.

Sandra arrived at our shelter as an unwed mother. Sadly, she lost her kittens. Now spayed, she is earnestly seeking a forever home. Mrs. Moffat describes this pretty little calico miss as “an absolute sweetie who loves to snuggle”.

News Flashes From Franco
Hi, Ya,
Guess you heard about what happened to that turncoat Chief Vinny. Serves him right for taking that job in the first place. His career in law enforcement is over thanks to my old lady, Spitty Riley. Word is that Cruiser will become the next Chief of Police. Scroggins’ still will be safe as long as he heads up the posse. Vinny is trying to clear his name but nobody believes he was set up. Remind me that I owe Spitty and Hissy Missy a fish dinner at The Ancient Mariner’s, that new place that just opened in the underbrush behind the shelter. Those gals really rock.

-Outta here,

From the Desk of Liza
Don’t forget our annual yard sale, when doing your spring cleaning. A sale date has not yet been announced, but it is not too early to make donations.

Good news for the LHS. A large quantity of pop cans taken to the recycling depot raised $1,500 for our shelter.

This week I am sad report that two of our residents, Duffy McDuffy and Sam have crossed the Rainbow Bridge. We will miss them.

In closing, I would ask that shelter residents keep an open mind regarding the charges laid against our new Chief of Police, Vinny. He has been suspended without pay, pending further investigation.

-Until next week,

Appreciating kind-hearted support for Humane Society

Hello, Everyone,
It’s Liza, celebra-cat extraordinaire reporting live from The Laundry Room, the happening place at the Loyalist Humane Society (LHS). There are so many exciting developments to report that I hardly know where to begin. Let me start by telling you about some very exciting news for mewsic lovers.

The Quinte’s Isle Bluegrass Celebration is now entering its sixth successful year at Pebble Beach, on Quinte’s Isle Campark. This year it will be held from May 30 to June 1, with all-Canadian bluegrass talent coming from all over Ontario. Local hosts will be the multi-award winning group, Hard Ryde.

This year, organizers are generously donating all proceeds from their silent auction to the LHS. Anyone interested in donating an item or service for auction will find more information available at and This news certainly hit the right note with all of us here at the shelter. Even Franco is excited. He and his boys have formed a little group called The Loyalist Caterwaulers and want to take part in this special event.

Tricia Daley with T.J., who is a Loyalist Humane Society alumnus.

Tricia Daley with T.J., who is a Loyalist Humane Society alumnus.

There is even more wonderful news this week. Our kind friend Tricia Daley, owner of Picton’s Pet Valu store, is donating the proceeds of Pet Appreciation Month (approximately $8,000) to our shelter and to Prince Edward Canine Control. She is a wonderful friend to the animals whose store cat T.J. is a former resident of our shelter. Thank you, Tricia and staff, from all of us here.

If you have a passion for fashion, don’t forget to visit the craft fair at Bloomfield United Church on Saturday, May 3rd. Our booth will feature Fashions Funding Felines – an amazing collection of clothing donated by a kind-hearted group of Toronto residents. Buy your new spring outfit here and two good things will happen – for a bargain price you will look like a million dollars and our shelter will receive much-needed funding. It’s a win-win situation.

With Mother’s Day just around the corner, we have an empty nursery. Cupid’s kittens, Trouble and Moe, found their forever homes this week and sadly, preggers mom Sandra Ono lost her litter. Much as I dislike rug rats, I must admit that it is a little too quiet here.

While we do not have any kittens at the moment, we do have many adoptable young and mature cats seeking forever homes. Come along with me and meet them.

Lily is a beautiful calico cat with piercing green eyes. If you are redecorating your living room this spring, consider her as a striking accent for your favourite chair or sofa. Her colourful coat will make your furniture pop. Comes with lint roller.

Little-Gray-ManLittle Gray Man
Little Gray Man is our resident cat in the gray flannel suit. Impeccably dressed for the office he is hoping for a position with a family that will appreciate his keen business sense. Currently, he is canvassing the shelter in an effort to sell shares in a catnip factory staffed by three blind mice.

Al is still struggling to carve out a career as a male model. He answered three “cat-tle calls” last week and was terribly excited when he learned that he had been short-listed for an ad in a senior citicat’s magazine. Then he found out that the ad was for a hemorrhoid cream called Sitting Pretty.

Cat-LadyThe Cat Lady
Our shelter manager Mrs. Moffatt often has bit parts in our photo shoots. You have often seen kittens cupped in her hands or a cat draped over her shoulder. In this rare shot, she is shown in her entirety – a remarkable woman who does so much for all of us here at the shelter. Happy Mother’s Day, “Mom”. On her shoulders is Zeke, our resident aviator, and in her arms is Grease Monkey, our shelter’s Mr. Fix-It.

One of our resident divas, Mattie is a real beauty. No one can understand why she has yet to find her forever home. This lovely bit of fluff would add class to any condo. Be the envy of your neighbours. Own a Cat-illac.

Our resident songster, Caruso, is often heard to say “Don’t hate me because I’m beautiful”. One of the shelter’s most distinctive cats he’s always happy to sing for his supper. Rumour has it that he’s dating Spitty Riley and telling everyone that she really is a wild thing. Our Queen of the Ferals is noted for loving them and leaving them, so heartbreak may be in the cards for Mr. C.

Trouble-and-MoeTrouble and Moe
Two of Cupid’s kittens, Trouble and Moe, found their forever homes this week. We are now temporarily out-of-stock but more rug rats will be delivered any day now, so be sure to visit us soon to reserve your new best friend.

News Flashes From Franco



Yo, Dudes,
Gotta tell ya about our new police force. They hired that turn-coat Vinny to head up a posse to hassle me and my boys. When we got wind of it, we decided to stay low and see what he had planned. Cruiser said what we needed was a mole. When I told him that was easy-peasy and I’d catch one for him he said he did not mean that kind of mole. We needed somebody on the inside. He volunteered to join Vinny’s police force to keep us posted on what he intends to do. You should see him with his stupid policecat’s cap and whistle. Whenever Vinny ain’t lookin’ he sneaks up behind Torte, blows the whistle and laughs his head off when she jumps two feet in the air.

This new police force won’t last. We’ll play it cool until Vinny gets tired of the game.

Caught three snakes last week. It’s gonna be a good hunting season. Met Liza outside at the clothes line and boy was she ticked – really, she had a tick. They’re starting early this year, so remember to check your cats and dogs for them.

-Off to look for snakes,

From the Desk of Liza

I am happy to report that several of our residents have found their forever homes. Among them are Helen, Tula, Bluff and Gus. We wish them all the best.

On a sad note, two dear friends, Hortense and Old Ma Brooks have crossed the Rainbow Bridge. We will miss them.



Amazing news for Bella, a former LHS resident who was adopted several months ago by a wonderful family. She came to our shelter as a kitten, suffering from a terrible flea allergy. Later, she developed ear problems. Bella was very skittish and would run away when approached. No one expected her to find a forever home. Then, along came a special lady who had seen her picture on our web site. She knew right away that she wanted to take Bella home as a companion for her cat, Ripple. Mrs. Moffatt told her that Bella was very shy and she might want to consider another cat, but the lady’s mind was made up. It had to be Bella.

For the first few weeks, Bella was very frightened in her new home. She hid under the sofa and would not come out. However, as time passed she grew more confident and discovered that having a family of her very own was special, indeed. She became an affectionate little cat who revelled in attention. Unfortunately, her ear problems resurfaced and a growth was removed from her ear. It quickly regrew and Bella’s new family was told that her best chance at a healthy and happy future was a surgical procedure that would cost thousands of dollars. Just when everything seemed hopeless, a wonderful thing happened.

Two veterinarians at Trenton’s Hillcrest Animal Hospital volunteered to donate their services and hospital facilities to help Bella and orthopedic surgeon Dr. Gilbert Brodeur offered to perform surgery at no charge. Bella’s ear canal was removed and today there is real hope for her future. This wonderful random act of kindness has given Bella a new lease on life and her family is immensely grateful. All of us here at the shelter are delighted to hear that one of our former residents is doing so well. It is also heartwarming to know that three veterinarians performed such a kind act to help Bella. God bless them.

-Until next week,

* * *

Easter Egg hunt prank backfires on the boys

Happy Spring, Everyone!

Liza (her glam photo)

Liza (her glam photo)

This has been an exciting month here at our shelter. First we had a flood and then our recreation committee announced plans for a big Easter Egg Hunt. Heavy spring rains brought water right up to the doors of The Laundry Room and sent Mrs. Moffat off in urgent search of sump pumps. As we watched the water rising, we began to make emergency preparations. Bobbitt found an empty bleach bottle and announced that he had found a flotation device. Madame R secured her pyramid bed to a board and declared that she had a sailboat. Franco just sniffed, meowed to go outside and marched through the flood waters with waves up to his elbows. He was heard to say that he knew how to do the cat paddle.

As we waited for the water to go down, Torte suggested that we make plans for an Easter Egg Hunt next weekend. She pointed out that our shelter’s spacious grounds offer many great hiding places for chocolate treats and proposed that we make Easter baskets in which to collect them. We gathered a large number of empty cat food tins and punched holes in their sides to attach ribbon “handles”. Bobbitt and Saylor trekked to a small shop in the underbrush, which is run by Scroggins’ brother, Scruff, and purchased a big sack of tiny chocolate eggs, wrapped in colourful foil. All of the necessary preparations had been made for a delightful Easter weekend. Unfortunately, Franco’s evil plan to spoil things backfired in a big way.

When he discovered that the eggs had been stashed in a cupboard in the kitchen, until they could be hidden on the morning of the hunt, he devised a dastardly plan to ruin our fun. He made a visit of his own to Scruff’s store and returned with a large box of Ex-Lax which he melted in the microwave. He then painstakingly removed all of the eggs from their foil papers and replaced them with booby-trapped chocolate treats. He did not know that Zeke, Cruiser, and Cruiser’s cousin, Vinny had clever plans of their own. They had decided to raid the cupboard and steal some of our Easter eggs to sneak into their baskets on the day of the hunt. They were hoping to win prizes for being the cats who found the most eggs. Of course, they could not resist sampling some of the goodies during their raiding party.

The next morning, Mrs. M. was aghast when she saw the condition of the litter boxes in the men’s room. Zeke, Cruiser and Vinny were still racing back and forth non-stop, meowing “Out of the way, out of the way”. That rascal Franco was laughing so hard that tears were running down his cheeks. While his nasty prank had been intended to ruin our fun, it had backfired on the members of his gang. All of us agreed that it served them right.

With the arrival of spring, perhaps you have been thinking of enjoying the season with a new best friend. Here at the LHS we have an outstanding selection of applicants for this position. Come with me to meet a few of them.

Meet “Bertie” (short for Albert) who is living proof that 19 is the new eight. Surrendered to our shelter by his owner. Bertie is old enough to vote, but still enjoys an active lifestyle. He jumps to high places with ease and readily makes new friends. He is presently in a relationship with a fellow resident of the Old Folks Home named Roly Poly. In his golden years. Bertie happily demonstrates that age is just a number.

Big-BoyBig Boy
Big Boy rarely speaks of the past, for he has a shameful secret. Franco is his father. Given Franco’s reputation at the shelter, no one is eager to admit being related to him, especially Big Boy who is one of the sweetest cats at the LHS. Franco will not be receiving a card from him this Father’s Day.

If you enjoy life on the wild side, Vinny is the cat for you. Word has it that he was once a bag man for Tony Soprano. Mrs. Moffatt whispers that he is “a gangster” and is known to police. If The Godfather is your favourite movie, just ask to see Vinny. He comes complete with water pistol and dark glasses.

Snow-WhiteSnow White
Our fairy tale princess, Snow White, is still looking for a home. She’s beautiful, affectionate, and eager to please. N.B. Comes with Seven Dwarves at no extra charge.

A handsome tiger and white cat, Chips is earnestly in search of a forever home. His hypnotic green eyes beg for that certain someone to become lost in them. Chips is quick to make it plain that he does not wear coloured contacts. That piercing gaze is natural.

Our resident streaker, Bernice, is still lamenting the loss of her fur coat. She says she feels naked without it. Although her current look may be a little off-putting, she promises to be a great beauty once her new coat arrives.

Handsome Brando is still waiting for his forever home. When he arrived at the shelter he was skin and bones and received the unflattering nickname of Grey Wiener. After a few months of TLC he morphed into an impressive tiger and white cat who is now named for a film great.

If you are in search of a quiet cat who never gets underfoot, Blitzen is your man. He tends to become animated during the Christmas season when his brother, Donner, makes his annual visit. Cousins Dasher and Dancer also come to call on December 25th.

Fast-EddieFast Eddie
Eddie is doing time but is allowed day passes. The door to his crate is left open and he is allowed to come and go as he pleases. Fellow “cons” Geisha and Tickle Me Tortie are fellow inmates. This dapper tiger gent has learned his lesson and is eager to go straight. All he needs is a home of his own and a supportive family.

Xavier Cucat was discovered living under The Laundry Room with fellow homeless person, Scuba. He had an X-shaped scratch on his nose, hence his name. Although this injury was no doubt inflicted by a splinter, he tells all of the female shelter residents that he received it in a sword fight.

Saylor is feeling somewhat depressed these days after trying a new styling gel that gave him the frizzies. Rumour has it that he went to Bernice’s stylist and is now paying the price for this grave mistake.

This perky calico cat would be the purrfect companion for a retired couple or lonely senior citizen. If you have a chair to spare in your home, be sure to look her up. She is eagerly waiting for a new home and a new identity.

Oscar rarely agrees to be photographed, for he has a checkered past. A friend of resident gangster cats Vinny and Mario, he is rumoured to be a “hit cat” with 24 mouse kills on his rap sheet. In this picture, he insisted on closing his eyes in an effort to conceal his identity.

Moe-Moe is in urgent need of an owner willing to foster (and endure) his vocal talents. He has been studying voice for several months now and irritates fellow residents by practising his scales non-stop. He was recently snapped while singing “Memories” from the Broadway hit, Cats. This puss comes complete with earplugs for his owner.

RolyPolyRoly Poly
The name says it all. This chubby senior is the new best friend of 19-year-old Bertie. Both are popular residents of the Old Folks Home.

RackemStackemRack ’em and Stack ’em
New plastic shelving units recently were installed in the Main House and became an instant hit. Now residents are fighting for the top bunks. Mrs. M. likes these new units because they give more floor space.

LHSdonatecansDoing the LHS Can-Can
Bags of empty pop cans are now stacked high at the Loyalist Humane Society and will soon be taken to the recycling station in Wellington. Shelter manager Anne Moffatt says the donation of cans is welcome. It is greatly appreciated if they are firmly crushed. Monies raised through recycling the cans is used to support the LHS.

News Flashes From Franco

Yo, Dudes,
I’m happy to report there have been a number of adoptions here recently. Rosie B, Pookie, Ben, Tiramisu and Louisa May Alcatt all have found their forever homes. Tiramisu was so popular that she was adopted twice. When the misunderstanding was sorted out, the disappointed potential adopter took Rosie B. instead. It was a happy ending for two beautiful cats.

Shenandoah and Bo-Bo went together to their new home this month and Muli also was adopted. Corey came back to us through our Happy Returns program and was exchanged for Louisa May Alcatt who was a better fit for a home with young children.

I’m still laughing fit to kill about Cruiser and the boys getting into those booby-trapped Easter eggs. Who knew they could run that fast? I sure hope they never figure out it was me that doctored those eggs. Probably, they think they just had the flu.

See ya,

From the Desk of Liza
Be sure to visit Tricia and TJ at Picton’s Pet Valu store during Pet Appreciation Days, this month. The proceeds from your purchase of a paper paw will be donated in support of our shelter and Prince Edward Canine Control. Tricia is a real friend to all of us at the LHS and her store cat TJ is a former resident of our shelter. They make a winning team and we are very grateful for all that they do for us.
It is my duty to report that owing to the hijinx of Franco and his friends a Citizens’ Committee is being formed at our shelter to discuss the formation of a police force. Vinny, who is usually on the wrong side of the law, has volunteered to organize a posse to put an end to these troublemakers. He says he is sure that Franco had something to do with that flu bug that felled a few of the boys this week.
 Our computer club is proving very popular. We now have seven members, including Bertie, who says an old cat can learn new tricks. Cruiser was a club member until we discovered that he was visiting a web site called Naughty Cats. We voted unanimously to remove him from our membership list.
Until next week,

* * *
Click here for previous Loyalist Humane Society blogs

Filed Under: Margaret Haylock-CaponNews from Everywhere Else

About the Author: Maggie Haylock is a freelance writer and former newspaper reporter who has co-authored several books with her husband, Alan Capon.

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  1. Kathie Oliver says:

    I just wanted to express appreciation to Maggie Haylock for her humorous and lively commentary on the goings on at the LHS. Always enjoy it!

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