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Hobbit is beautiful, but bloated

Paul Peterson

Well, I am always the first to point out when I have a conflict of interest, although it has less to do with journalistic integrity and more to do with using that declaration as a means to make fun of some group of the populace that I’m about to mock.
In this case, having at least talked to a woman this century, I am not really the targeted dudes-who-don’t-date audience that has been clamoring to see Peter Jackson’s beautiful, but bloated The Hobbit.
Yes, those little pasty fellers have been climbing the stairs from their mom’s basements across the fruited plain to see this almost three-hour first installment of The Prequel to The Lord of the Rings.
OK, so Jackson dropped some tonnage and I think his wife after winning all of those Academy Awards and decided to take on The Hobbit.
Good plan.
He certainly knows the territory.
I’m sure he must have had all kinds of CGI goblins and ghouls left over from LOTR and some of them show up here, which is fine. But I digress.
Our story so far.
See, here’s why I don’t like these kinds of films. We have to remember so much. Bilbo Baggins is a Hobbit who likes his organized little life. So he fusses over this and that until one day he is visited by Gandolph and 13 dwarves who eat him out of house and home, sing a lot of Hobbitty songs and then like all road pictures, set out on their quest.
Here’s the deal.
The acting is great, the visuals amazing and the story thin, but amusing. Bilbo is leading the charge to take back the dawrf kingdom of Erebros from the dragon Smaug, with the help of Gandolph the Grey and the mighty  dwarf warrior Thorin Oakenshiekd. They fight wars and ogres and shapeshifters. Gack. Just typing that sentence made me want to go down to the comic store and buy a deck of Magic cards. Help me. (by the way I’m pretty sure the Costco near me hires shapeshifters for the meat department but it could just be the white jackets they wear.)
I just hate these kinds of movies. So I’m not really able to put a positive spin on it. Sorry nerds. I know I just don’t get it and even worse, I don’t want to get it.
I can’t explain why I didn’t get the Dungeons and Dragons gene. I guess my dad was atractive to women. Who knows?
The problem beyond my lack of interest is that this film is just so long and so diluted.
Apparently this is the first of three Hobbit movies. That to me is pure ego on Jackson’s part. He thinks he can turn anything into a trilogy. The original Hobbit was a kid’s book. A softer, gentler trip into delusionville. It’s not a trilogy.
I think it shows in the filmmaking. It drags. Each scene seems to go on interminably. Hey dude. Summarize. We get it. The party at Bilgo’s goes on forever. They irritate him and turn into the guests that wouldn’t leave. The audience can get that from how you show the scene, we don’t actually have to experience the tedium ourselves.
Jackson actually invented new 48 frame technology to film this in. Why was that again Peter since 24 frames has been around pretty much since the development of film? I suppose he thought it looked better but no one had the equipment to play it on.
It’s that kind of overblown ego indulgences that I think take away from this film and doom us to two more installments where… I don’t know… we get to see Bilbo do his laundry.
All of it.
Including the spin cycle.
The film has been met with lukewarm reception, reviews, and box office I don’t think it has the legs or the following to even come close to LOTR numbers. Nor should it. It was never meant to be that kind of story. They have tried to flesh it out and there are some old favorites and connections to the Lord of the Rings, most notable an interesting exchange between Gollum and Bilbo.
I like Gollum as a character. He seems like a cross between Freddy Krueger and Yoda.
Even this scene seemed to drag though.
I think it’s a good film for the hard core Tolkien crowd and it really does look good scene by scene.
I didn’t sit through all of this film
I didn’t need to.
I know how it ends.
To Be Continued.
I won’t review the next two installments because I already know what to expect, more or less. More giants and ogres and dragons and well, just plain  more. I’ll pass. But then again I’m not afraid of girls. To each their own.
They need new people to play Farmville on Facebook.
As always, other opinions are welcome, but wrong. That’s it for this week The cheque’s in the mail and I’m outta here. Paul

Filed Under: News from Everywhere ElsePaul Peterson

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