Hats off to models at society’s Spring tea

Sponsored by

A Sheltered Life – stories as told to Maggie Haylock-Capon, by Liza, resident greeter at the Loyalist Humane Society. (Photographs by Alan R. Capon)

(If you are unable to adopt a cat or kitten, there are many other important ways to help the LHS. Donations of Javex and other household cleaning products, garbage bags, grocery bags, litter, cat food and kitten food are welcome. The Loyalist Humane Society is located on County Road 4, (Talbot Street), near the intersection of Tripp Road.)

Happy Spring, Everyone!!

Lovely Liza – Here I am, pretty in pink. For my role as commentator, I chose a saucy straw hat and a crocheted choker accented by a perky faux bloom. Fanta never would have won the Top Hat Award had I been eligible to compete for this honour. But I’m keeping this under my hat.

It’s been a dreadful winter, but now the worst is over and all of us here at the shelter are looking forward to warm, sunny days and blue skies. To help our residents celebrate the spring season, this week we presented our annual fashion show – with a twist. This year, this greatly anticipated event was titled Cats in Hats with special awards for the models who showed off their chapeaux to the best advantage. Our fashion show was dedicated to the memory of Girlfriend, a wonderful senior cat who contributed a great deal to life here at our shelter.

After considerable deliberation by our judges, the Top Hat Award was presented to Fanta who modelled a delightful spring bonnet with great flair. Runner-up and winner of a Tip of the Hat trophy was Hotch. As commentator for the show, I was ineligible to compete, but I did look stylish and would have won first place, paws down, under different circumstances.

It has been a trying week for me, for I have survived a terrible disaster. During a recent winter storm my vine-covered cottage was blown right off its foundation. Luckily, on the advice of Crawford, I insured it right after buying it. A claims adjuster came around and I have been informed that I will receive a cheque in the mail to cover my losses. In the meantime, I am frantically searching for an alternate location for our book club meetings. Mrs.M. has suggested that the kitchen would be suitable, until the necessary repairs have been made to my home. Of course, this would mean that Franco would be present for our get-togethers and he has only to walk into a room, in order to empty it. Mrs. M. has suggested that we invite him to join our club, but I seriously doubt that he can read.

Our fashion show was a great success and all of our models are hopeful that their participation will help them to find forever homes. Please come with me to view their portfolios.

Fanta – Winner of the Top Hat Award
First place winner in our Cats in Hats fashion show was Fanta, who was finally forced to raise a paw to still the applause after pussyfooting down the catwalk. A mature cat, who is a cross-dresser, he has no problem in modelling a very feminine Easter bonnet.

Fanta Sans Hat
A delightful tea was held following our fashion show and, as you can see, Fanta was eager to sample the refreshments. As winner of the Top Hat Award, he was treated to a plate of poached salmon.

Hotch
Runner-up and winner of the Tip of the Hat Award, Hotch was fetching in a spring bonnet. Recently, he lost the tips of his ears to frostbite and thinks a hat might be a creative way of disguising it. However, he has emphasized that he will look for a fedora or perhaps a Tilley.

Princess
Fit for a princess, this perky hat shouts spring. Our very own Princess, a beautiful tiger miss, sought the opinion of her beau, Chips, before modelling it.

Princess in Profile
Models can be temperamental, sometimes. Princess insisted on being photographed from her “best” side. Who could say no to this irresistible miss in her lace-trimmed spring hat?

Victor
Kitten model, Victor, was hopeless. He had no idea of how to wear a hat and decided that his chapeau must be some sort of new toy. Torte, who assisted our models in donning their chapeaux, finally shooed him off to the nursery.

Bobbitt
One of our male models, Bobbitt, won applause wearing a basic black suit with a crisp white shirt accented by a bow tie – the perfect outfit for a rising executive. Note the ear-piercing, a playful touch which suggests that this puss rocks after hours.

Saylor
Dressed for a night on the town, Saylor modelled a tux accented with a polk-a-dot bow tie, a playful touch indicative of the new look for spring.

Grease Monkey
Grease Monkey may have been wearing dirty cover-alls when he first arrived here, but today he sports a tux and goes by the nickname Travolta. This cool cat has gone from fixing up junkers to driving a Porsche.

Caruso
Fanta was not the only model just waiting for tea to be served. Caruso saw a plate of shrimp and licked his lips.

Model Meltdown
Being a model is not all moonlight and roses. Hotch was exhausted after several appearances on the catwalk and snuck off to find a quiet corner for his nap.

Lily
Spoil-sport Lily refused to model a hat. She insisted that it was just not dignified. However, she did watch the show from the balcony of her condo and developed palpitations when she saw Saylor in a bow tie.

Bernice
Recently returned from her gig as a back-up singer with The Bare-naked Ladies, Bernice was distraught when told that nude models would not be allowed in our show, even if they did wear hats. She was photographed sulking on the sidelines, wearing only her birthday suit.

Liza
As commentator for our recent fashion show, I had the most difficult job of all. I was forced to ad lib, numerous times, when our models miscued. When the show was over, I settled down for a refreshing nap.

Sleepy Audience
Our fashion show was great fun, but also tiring – even for some of our spectators who snuggled down for long naps as soon as the curtain came down.

Victor (again)
Child model Victor was exhausted by all of the excitement. Too tired to make it home for his nap, he crashed at the front door.

Rib-Tickler
When Crawford, who was our master of ceremonies during the tea, told a new joke he had memorized just for the occasion, Fanta enjoyed a hearty laugh. Our fashion show lifted everyone’s spirits.

Duncan
Handsome Duncan was living as a barn cat, when rescued and brought to our shelter. He is amazed by all that we do here. Told that we were having a fashion show he said he had been wearing the same striped suit for two years and never wore a tie. He did add that he would happily pay admission to see Bernice in her skivies.

He’s Got Mail
Rocky, one of our favourite senior cats, was sponsored last year by a young girl named Gilly, who lives in Kitchener. She writes to him regularly and Mrs. Moffatt helps him with his replies. Rocky has his own bulletin board for his mail. On March 26, Gilly will celebrate her 13th birthday. Rocky and everyone here at the shelter join in wishing her a very Happy Birthday. Last year, Gilly and her family adopted our Freddy, a personable black cat with frostbitten feet. He is now a happy, healthy cat with his own forever family.

News Flashes From Franco

Hi, ya,
I expect that Liza has bored everyone to tears going on about that silly fashion show. Me and Zeke and Cruiser heard about it every day for weeks. If you ask me, that photo of our commentator shows that she has something that she needs to get off her chest – about five pounds worth, I’d say.

Bad news about her house. Let me be the first to say that Cruiser, Zeke and me had nothing to do with it. It blew down in one of those wind storms we had this winter. When Liza woke up, there it was gone and there she was lying in bed, with her hair in curlers. You should have seen her run for cover.

Sad news this week – two of our favourite shelter residents, Marou and Tess, have crossed the Rainbow Bridge. Tess is survived by her devoted daughter, Bess, who is adjusting to her loss better than expected. That mother and daughter were inseparable for years.

That blue-eyed white cat, Cupid, who arrived here already preggers on Valentine’s Day, has given birth to five little ones – four of them white. Mrs. M. says that’s great news because white kittens always find families. May I add that they also run around, looking perfectly ridiculous, in those silly toilet paper commercials. Maybe people prefer cats that use toilet tissue and that’s why the white ones always find homes.

That’s all for this week. I’m outta here.

-Franco

From the Desk of Liza
 Exciting news from Pet Valu in the Sobeys plaza. This weekend they will begin their annual campaign to raise funds for our shelter by selling paper “paws” to post on their walls and windows. They will also be holding a silent auction. Please support this great cause. Every year, Tricia and her staff do a phenomenal job with this campaign. Our community can be very proud of their outstanding efforts.

I am happy to report that Honeydew has found her forever home, Tennis, who was adopted but later returned, also has found a forever home. He is very relieved, for after coming back to us, fellow shelter residents had begun to call him Tennis Anyone?

Our fashion show was a spectacular success and we know that Girlfriend would have been proud. Already, plans are in the works for a special Easter event which will include an Easter egg hunt. No catnapping at this shelter. We always find fun things to do.

Please note that our newly formed computer club and our book club will be meeting in the kitchen, until repairs to my vine-covered cottage can be made. At the next meeting of the book club we will be discussing Cat That Swallowed a Canary – a suspense-packed who-dunnit that will have you on the edge of your seat.

-Until next week,
Liza

* * *

Daring rescue is talk of the shelter

Hello All,

Coming fashion show and tea will be dedicated to Girlfriend.

Things are slowly getting back to normal here at The Laundry Room, following the fiasco occasioned by our Sadie Hawkins dance. Crawford was successful in having Franco’s marriage to Torte annulled and Zeke and Cruiser are properly contrite regarding their role in spiking the punch. Franco, being Franco, is not repentant at all. He says he would do it all over again just to see Spitty Riley pole dance for a second time. Did I mention that our residents’ council forced her to donate all of the bills tucked in her skimpy costume to our general fund?

This week, the talk of our shelter has been the daring rescue of Scuba who was stranded in the water that had pooled under our office building. His companion fled without even thanking Mrs. M. and her husband for their help. Scuba, however, is as sweet as pie and very appreciative of his new home with us.

This has been a dreadful winter and without our book club and the newly formed computer club I do not know what we would have done to pass the time. We just finished reading John Steinbeck’s novel, The Winter of Our Discontent. Torte said she found it “illuminating”, while Zeke, who was eavesdropping on our discussion of it, termed it “codswallop”. He added that Torte was really well-lit when she married Franco.

With spring just around the corner, we are now planning a tea and fashion show. Our commentator will be yours truly. It has been decided that we will dedicate this event to the memory of Girlfriend, the wonderful old cat who organized our first fashion extravaganza.

-Liza

Victor and Saylor
Today refined gentlemen, Victor, a red tabby, and his friend, Saylor, were street persons when rescued by the Loyalist Humane Society. With a bit of coaching from Mrs. Moffatt, they have mastered the social graces and are now ready for their forever homes.

Hotch
Hotch, who somehow became lost, was once a dearly loved pet. He was found to have been neutered and declawed, prior to his arrival at the LHS. Unable to find shelter this winter he lost the tips of his ears and part of his tail to frostbite. A strikingly beautiful cat with a sweet disposition he is hopeful that he will find a forever home with someone willing to overlook his shortened tail and cropped ears. He thinks that he now bears a marked resemblance to a Scottish Fold cat.

Shenandoah
Shenandoah has an important audition on her calendar this month. She has been short-listed for adoption by a cat fancier who has observed that she has the outline of a perfect heart on her pert little nose. Good luck to this sweet puss whose winning ways are sure to gain her a starring role as BFF.

Marcie
Meet resident dishwasher, Marcie, who is off to her new home in Toronto, soon. No more dishpan paws for this puss. She’s headed for a glamourous life in the city.

Bluff
Bluff, a handsome red tabby, is hoping for a forever home but says he will not be too disappointed if he’s not adopted. He reports that he is very comfortable at the LHS and enjoys long afternoon naps in the parlor. Who says that pink and red clash?

Clarence
Clarence has struggled with shyness ever since he was a kitten. Despite the fact that he is a real hunk he sometimes feels insecure. He is seeking a forever home with an understanding someone willing to help him come out of his shell. If you are shy and retiring, Clarence is the cat for you. Two against the world, together you can work to become self-assured. Can you help Clarence talk to girls? If so, call the LHS and ask to speak to him.

Brooke
Say hello to Brooke, who is Clarence’s sister. These siblings are polar opposites. He’s shy and she is purrfectly adjusted. She also happens to be cute and cuddley. Brooke has an important job with the LHS this month. She is test-driving the new cat tree kindly crafted and donated by Bev Humphrey. She reports that it offers superior comfort and top-grade carpeting.

Tiramisu
A shelter volunteer recently rescued Tiramisu from a snow bank near Doxsee’s Corners. A pert tabby miss she promises to be a great beauty. If you liked The Godfather and The Last Don, you are sure to love Tiramisu. She’ll make you an offer you can’t refuse.

Torte Has BIG News
Thanks to our resident legal advisor Crawford, Torte’s hasty marriage to Franco has been annulled. However, the ink was barely dry on the divorce papers when she received an offer to model for a fashion magazine called Big Girls Don’t Cry. It’s devoted to fur coats and accessories designed to flatter the full figure. Here, Torte poses on her new leopard print bed which slenderizes her while saucily hinting that she’s a “wild thing”. Today, the cat that Zeke so cruelly nicknamed “Blubber Butt” is proud of her figure and eager to demonstrate that plus-size pusses have a place on the catwalk.

Cheshire
She may not be grinning, but Chessie is decidedly happy with her life at the LHS. Mrs. M. says she has been with us for practically forever and is so quiet that most of the time we forget she is here. If you are seeking a well-mannered cat who values privacy – both yours and hers – consider this sedate tabby matron. She would be ideal for a senior citizen.

Snow White
This month Mrs. M. discovered to her great surprise that Snow White has been keeping a great big secret. She was never spayed. She gave herself away when she began to belt out choruses of Where the Boys Are. Prompt action has been taken to remedy this distressing situation, but you have to wonder what the little hussy may have been up to with the Seven Dwarves.

Pubster
A cat who likes to go clubbing, Pubster is hoping for a forever home with a confirmed bachelor. He describes himself as “a swinging single” and has no interest in settling down. If you want a new BFF to join you in watching the game or checking out the bars, just ask for Pubster. But before taking him out in public, you might want to hide his velour leisure suit and his cigars.

Fred
Our resident man in the gray flannel suit, Fred is earnestly seeking placement with a family who will pay for karate classes. He had been involved in numerous altercations and has lost all of them. His wounds are healing nicely and with a bit of coaching he will be ready to land the knock-out punch in his next fight.

Scuba
Scuba has not stopped talking about his near-death experience, since his arrival at our shelter. This homeless cat was sheltering under the office building of the LHS. During a recent thaw, he found himself trapped by slush and deep water. Mrs.M., with the help of husband, John, came to his rescue with two sump pumps. Mr. M. also cut a hole in the bathroom floor to aid in his rescue.
Scuba and a fellow tramp emerged very wet and frightened. While his companion tore off without even saying thank-you, Scuba ran crazily hither and yon in the yard, until finally live-trapped by Mrs. M. Now a resident in the office, rather than under it, he is described as being “as sweet as can be”.

Grease Monkey
A graduate of trade school, Grease Monkey is our resident Mr. Fix-It. Mrs. M, often calls on him for advice when repairs are needed. Although his cover-alls were filthy when he arrived, he cleaned up well and today is a shelter heartthrob.

Foxglove
A stray found wandering on Picton’s Main Street, Foxglove is now ready to find a forever home. A polydactyl with opposable thumbs this delightful puss is proof that good things come in small packages.

News Flashes From Franco
With this nasty weather I have not been out and about as much as usual, but I do have a few tidbits for my devoted readers. Several of our residents recently found their forever homes, among them Frozy, Mario, Levi, Sally C. and Marcie. We wish them well. On a sad note, long-time resident Spook crossed the Rainbow Bridge.

We have two new arrivals in our Seniors Room aka The Old Folks Home. Bertie is 19 and Roly Poly is 10. Old Roly Poly should hook up with my ex, Torte. That pair would really carry some weight.

That’s all I have this time around. When the weather improves, I’ll jog around the old ‘hood and see what’s up.

-Franco

From the Desk of Liza
A kind-hearted woman named Dee Hazel, who works with the Family Health Team collected donations for our shelter on Cupcake Day. We greatly appreciate her thoughtful gesture and wish to thank her for remembering us.

Good news for Bernice. After a collection was taken, enough money was raised to send her off to the spa to have something done with her hair. The girl looked as if she had her paw in a light socket and all of us were calling her Sparky. Some of our residents are predicting that she will return with a lion cut. Stay tuned to see the results of her makeover.

-Until next week,
Liza

* * *
Click here for previous Loyalist Humane Society blogs