Things That Make Me Go “Hmmm”

When you see this on your telephone read-out, don't answer! Chances are good they won't bother to leave a message either!

Those who complain about telemarketers: Everyone these days has an answering machine. Invest a few dollars a month in Call Display. If the call comes through as “unknown name” or “unknown number,” smile at the phone as it rings and don’t answer it. If it’s important, they will leave a message. No one is obligated to answer a phone, just because it rings.

Appointments: Of what possible use is a fixed time for an appointment? I mean, they tell you 3:05 p.m. and you finally are called into the office at 5:00 p.m. My wife had a 10:15 a.m. appointment in Kingston. Her name was finally called at 2:10 p.m. How does any doctor get four hours behind so early in the morning? Let’s go back to the old days when a doctor would step out of his office and holler, “NEXT!”

Newscasters: Where do they get their training? The lady on the Weather Channel, twice commented on a hurricane that “wrecked” havoc. And when are newscasters going to stop pronouncing Alzheimers as “Alltimers”?

Political Correctness: I refuse to subscribe to the notion that it is possible to pick up a turd by the clean end.

Batteries: Where can I get a large one? I mean, a REALLY big battery. One large enough to power one of those huge floodlights like they have at Niagara Falls. I want to put one in the back window of my car so I can turn it on whenever the next tailgater approaches me.

Dangerous Driving: Where are the police on Highway 62 when you need them? A fair haired woman passed me last week in a black car at Mountain View, well in excess of the 60 km/h speed limit, in a construction zone with workers present beside the highway, and – you guessed it. We both arrived together at the traffic signal at Dundas Street, but she didn’t see me behind her as she was jabbering away on her cell phone and twirling her hair.

Cashews: I love nuts, but refuse to touch cashews. I will not eat anything that looks like the toenails of a German Shepherd.

Election Signs: I am glad they have finally been gathered up. They are a waste of money and a source of eye pollution in its extreme. They do nothing to alter a person’s decision. Voters should have their minds already made up through exposure in the media and all candidates meetings.

Sandbanks: How do people get lost on the sand dunes? I didn’t think that was possible. I mean, West Lake is on one side, and just a stone’s throw away is Lake Ontario. And they’re both pretty easy to identify. If you can’t see the far shore, chances are pretty good that it’s Lake Ontario, and Lake Ontario the last time I checked was on the south side of the dunes.

Dogs: I have a dog that refuses to eat when I am away. She follows me from room to room in the house and sleeps at night wrapped around my neck on my pillow, her breath vibrating my ear lobe. How can people abuse animals that are so loyal?

Dog Friendly stores: Why am I not permitted to take my small dog into some stores? She’s cleaner and smells a whole lot better than some people I see in stores. Kudos to Picton Home Hardware for welcoming both me and my dog into their store, and while I am at it, also Home Depot in Belleville.

Handicapped cards: How do people get those things? I have yet to see an occupant of a car who has parked in a handicapped zone who was actually “handicapped.” Most of them walk better than I do. I think they should rename them “Lazy cards”. Meanwhile truly handicapped people have nowhere to park. It’s wrong.

My telephone bill: Why do I pay extra for touch-tone service? Doesn’t everyone these days have touch-tone? It’s like buying a television and paying extra for colour. Or, maybe we already do.

Money grab fees. I love those little extras that are tacked onto bills. Hydro One has a delivery fee, Superior Propane has a Transportation Fee and a Hazmat fee (hazardous material). Bell ExpressVu has a Digital Service fee. Can I charge an administration fee and a delivery fee when I bill clients for guided hikes and indoor presentations?