It takes a village (to raise this neurotic)

For years I’ve gone from pillar to post trying to improve myself. I was in a starter home. A fixer upper. I was under construction so much I needed a building permit. Always in search of the next book, the next DVD, class or teacher . It took village to raise this neurotic.I did everything. I envisioned prosperity, got my colours done. I found out what colour my parachute was. I moved the chees. I pushed the envelope; I thought “outside the box”, explored the power of positive thinking until I was suicidal. I saw Anthony Robbins so many times he got a restraining order. If I were a reality show I would have been called Extreme Make Over.

My life coach called it perfectionism. Perfectionists call it having standards. This was the same coach who said I needed to love my self. This infuriated me. It’s like someone saying, “Will you calm down?” You just want to ram them with your car. I fired that coach and got a new one who recommended I stand naked in front of a mirror and say I love my body. So I started to take my shirt off and he said, “No, wait until you get home”. See, even he wasn’t committed. I don’t know why this coach was in such a hurry for me to love myself. It’s like a minister saying, “Go and sin no more”. If people like me weren’t sinning there would be no bums in those pews, would there? So me loving myself would be bad for business. In fact if I wasn’t a seething morass of low self esteem these people would be unemployed. And that would be bad for the economy. I am pretty certain my OCD helped my third therapist buy her new house. I said I am pretty certain my OCD helped my third therapist…… Oh never mind.