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A Sheltered Life – stories as told to Maggie Haylock-Capon, by Liza, resident greeter at the Loyalist Humane Society. (Photographs by Alan R. Capon)

(If you are unable to adopt a cat or kitten, there are many other important ways to help the LHS. Donations of Javex and other household cleaning products, garbage bags, grocery bags, litter, cat food and kitten food are welcome. The Loyalist Humane Society is located on County Road 4, (Talbot Street), near the intersection of Tripp Road.)

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Hello, All,

Liza, supervising preparations for the yard sale.

It’s Liza coming to you live from The Laundry Room, at the Loyalist Humane Society. All of us here at the LHS are slowly getting back to normal, following our big two-day yard sale. Always one of our most ambitious fundraising events of the year, it was a big success. Its total proceeds are still being calculated. We owe a big vote of thanks to Lorain Sine, her sister, Sandra, and Darlene Johnston who helped to organize our sale.

Two residents of our shelter found their forever homes last week. Don Roberts, who staffed the check-out counter at our yard sale last Friday has adopted Cain, aka “Whopper”, a super-sized red and white cat who came to us last spring. Don is well-known for his vocal talents and we expect that Cain soon  will be taking singing lessons.

Phat Phoebe, the beautiful little calico cat who came to us just a few weeks ago, has been adopted by a woman who lives in Oakville. Phoebe is a delightful little cat and we are certain she will do well in her new home.

A handsome pair of cats called Thrasher and Thistle also found new homes last week.

Giant Tiger, the declawed cat found in the Giant Tiger parking lot was adopted, too, but was later returned to the shelter. Naturally, she was very disappointed by this turn of events and is hopeful that she will soon find her forever home.

If you are thinking of adopting a cat or kitten to snuggle in your lap on cool fall evenings, we have a wonderful selection of New Best Friends. Allow me to make the introductions.

The Orangemen – Littermates Reno, Louie and Hurley are eager to find new homes. They have submitted their resumes and now are available for interviews. They say it would be the cat’s meow if someone were to adopt all three of them.

Lucy Lou (aka Long, Tall Sally) While Lucy Lou is no raving beauty, she possesses and inquiring mind and takes pride in the fact that she is not just another pretty face. If you are seeking someone who enjoys a good game of chess, has read Proust, and is always eager for new learning experiences, Lucy is your girl. Serious inquiries only, please.

Emmy Lou
Emmy Lou is beautiful and smart, too. Recently, she accompanied shelter volunteer Dolores Wallace to the Ameliasburgh Library and capably assisted her in a presentation on cats. She was so popular that a library staff member asked if she would be willing to make other appearances. If you are in search of an extraordinary cat who enjoys nothing better than a good book, ask for Emmy Lou.

Moey
Moey came to our shelter with siblings Eeny, Meeny and Miney, who were all adopted. Unfortunately, he was left behind. He is hopeful that one day he, too, will find a home of his own.

The Brookes Brothers
Meet the Brookes Brothers (and sisters) smartly attired kittens in pin-striped suits. Obviously career oriented they are seeking positions that will showcase their skills. They report that they are all graduates of a Mousing 101 course and have taken singing lessons. Armani, the largest Brookes brother, reports that he has studied the martial arts and knows Kung Fu.

Leftovers McRemnants and sister, Josie (aka Taylor)
Two special kittens waiting for a very special someone to adopt them, Leftovers and Josie are desperately hoping that they will soon find their forever home, together. Leftovers was born with a deformed forepaw, eyes of two different colours, and a crooked tail. Despite her handicaps, she is a lively, happy kitten who scampers after Josie and has no problem in keeping up with her. There is a strong bond between these two little orphans and Mrs. Moffatt says they must be adopted together. Can you find a place for them in your heart and in your home?

Vanilla Ice
The Ice Man is a laidback puss who enjoys long naps in sunny windowsills. This handsome puss would be the perfect companion on those long, winter evenings that will be arriving soon. Like Emmy Lou and Lucy Lou, he enjoys a good book and also likes the occasional movie. For a touch of elegance in your home, why not consider an ermine lap rug guaranteed to keep you warm?

Missy
A newcomer to our shelter, Missy is experiencing an identity crisis. For reasons unknown, he was named Missy, although he is clearly a Mister. He wanders through the Laundry Room woefully repeating, “I doesn’t know who I is. Is I Mister, Miss or Ms?” Adopt Missy and help a beautiful young cat find himself. Perhaps you could boost his self-confidence with a name change.

Betty Boop
She’s as pretty as a picture and looking for love, but Betty Boop is still waiting for her forever home. This beautiful tabby cat is gentle and affectionate and would be the purrfect best friend for a senior citizen.

This week our advice columnist, Dr. Stella Wigglebum has more advice for our roving reporter, Franco, who has been spreading nasty lies about me. Read on for the details.

Dear Dr. Wigglebum,
Recently, I wrote to you to ask what I could do to stop that Liza from being so mean to me. You told me to fight fire with fire and I did. It did not work out very well. I put some Nyger seed in her bed and yelled “Fleas” and Mrs. Moffat came on the run, just as you predicted. However, she grabbed ME by the scruff of the neck and said I must have been sleeping in Liza’s bed after roving through the bushes, outdoors. She treated ME with Revolution, scolded ME, then sympathized with Liza for having to put up with me. Your advice did not help me at all. It just made things worse.

Dear Franco,
I’m sorry that my suggestions failed to help you. Obviously, a new approach is needed. I have thought long and hard and I think I have an idea that will teach Liza a lesson, once and for all. The next time you are wandering around outdoors, pick a large bouquet of catnip and present it to her as a peace offering. She is sure to inhale it and will eventually grow very sleepy. When she is fast asleep, steal the electric clippers and give her a lion cut. I can promise you that she will not be making any public appearances for a few weeks. Be sure to let me know how this plan works out.
Yours Sincerely,
Dr. Stella Wigglebum

Notes From the Desk of Liza:
I have several important dates circled on my calendar for the month of September. I will be making a personal appearance at Picton Fair, which will be held Sept.7, 8, and 9. I was such a hit last year that Mrs. Moffatt decided I should attend this exciting event once again this fall. Please note that I will be available for photo ops and will also be giving autographs.

Our annual Tag Day is coming up soon. Watch for more details about this important fundraiser.

Don’t forget that the draw for that wonderful painting of the kitten in a tub will take place on Sept. 2, during the Rednersville Studio Tour. Proceeds from the ticket sales will be donated to our shelter.

Cub reporter Doran is excited to report that, to date, this year 311 cats and kittens have found sanctuary at our shelter. He says 172 of them have been adopted. He adds that we are about to break a record. To date, this year, 180 kittens have come into care at the LHS. Our all-time record is 182 rug rats – a record we are sure to break in 2012.

-Until next week,
Liza

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Newlyweds’ gift to shelter the cat’s pyjamas

Shelter manager Anne Moffatt, volunteer Dolores Wallace with Liza, and newlyweds Joanne and Martin Fralick with Franco. The couple donated $1,700 in cash and product to the LHS.

Hello, All,

Liza catching up on paper work.

It’s me, Liza, spokescat extraordinaire for the Loyalist Humane Society (LHS) with a sensational scoop from The Laundry Room. This week we received a donation of approximately $1,700 in cash and product from newlyweds Joanne Courneyea Fitzroy and Martin Fralick, who asked their wedding guests to make donations to our shelter, instead of buying them gifts. Their generosity will make a big difference in our lives. We can’t thank them enough for their kindness.

Of course as the official spokescat for our shelter, I was on hand to receive the donation cheque from the Fralicks this week. That pushy Franco did his best to get in the picture even after I told him to buzz off. Trust him to try and hog the limelight.

Joanne and Martin adopted a beautiful tiger cat named Morrin from the LHS last summer and are frequent visitors here. They plan to honeymoon in Belize and will volunteer at a cat shelter there during their stay. We look forward to hearing all about it when they return.

There have been lots of new arrivals at our shelter in recent days. Come with me and meet some of our newcomers.

Phat Phoebe
Phoebe is a four-year-old spayed female who really isn’t “fat” at all. I am told that “Phat” is Vietnamese for “sweet”. Phoebe was surrendered to our shelter after her former owner adopted a new kitten. Apparently she was not “phat” to it and is now residing with us. With her good looks, and loving disposition, she is certain to find her new forever home soon.

Bubba
To describe him in a single word, Bubba is “muscular”. An impressive looking tomcat who came to us as a stray, he will be neutered this week and will then be available for adoption. The Arnold Schwarzenegger of our shelter, this handsome lad has already broken quite a few feline hearts here.

Lucy Lou
If there were a prize for Cat With the Longest Tail, Lucy Lou would win, paws down. This calico miss is earnestly seeking her forever home and will be happy to audition for a place in your heart, not to mention on your sofa.

Vanilla Ice
Although his name suggests that you might find him offered with the lattes at Tim Horton’s the ice man is now in residence at the LHS. A stray cat, he was being fed by a kind-hearted family who had christened him Jack. When a colony of cats in their neighbourhood was live-trapped he, too, was caught in the sweep and subsequently neutered. His original benefactors located him at the LHS and identified him as their Jack but decided not to reclaim him. He is now seeking a new family to call his own.

Zeke
Street fighter and resident aviator, Zeke, is not likely to be adopted, however, he does enjoy having his picture taken, so we humoured him. A stray with the scars of many battles, he came to our shelter some time ago. Zeke loves to fly and nothing delights him more than to make a surprise landing on the shoulders of unsuspecting shelter visitors.

Daisy
Beautiful Daisy came to us after her elderly owner died suddenly and she found herself without a home. With her sweet temperament and refined manners we don’t understand why she has not found her forever home. She would be the perfect companion for a retired couple or a senior citizen in search of a new best friend.

Pubster
A striking gray and white cat, Pubster has a crooked smile that hints at a streak of mischief. Before coming to use he was living as an outdoor cat. He is mature and has a sweet disposition. Mrs. Moffatt says he is one of her personal favourites. Why not visit us and meet him?

Shelley (Shy to be photographed as yet)
A pretty tiger and white cat who is less than a year old, Shelley already has had a litter of kittens. Now, all of her offspring have been adopted and she has been spayed. She would very much like to find her forever home.

Now, over to our advice columnist, Dr. Stella Wigglebum, who this week received a letter from Franco of all people.

Dear Dr. Wigglebum,
I feel rather embarrassed about writing to you, but I decided to seek help for what is becoming a growing problem. Liza is jealous of me and is making my life miserable at every turn. She hated me on sight and when Mrs. Moffatt moved me into The Laundry Room that red-haired cat was mad enough to spit. Actually, she did – several times.

I tried to be friendly, but was constantly rebuffed. When I was hired as a roving reporter for the LHS, Liza became even more hostile. She sprinkled kitty litter in my sheets, making it impossible for me to sleep and she calls me names when she thinks Mrs. M. can’t hear her. Frankly, I think I am a victim of bullying but whenever Mrs. Moffatt is around, Liza is as sweet as pie. What should I do?

Dear Franco:
It’s obvious that Liza is rude to you because she feels insecure. You are a handsome cat-about-town and the former Mayor of Prince Edward Heights. She may imagine herself threatened by you and could fear losing her job as spokescat. When you were hired as a roving reporter, no doubt she became worried that you would scoop her, frequently. Rumour has it that she naps a lot and is not always on top of the big stories. Sometimes, you have to fight fire with fire. Give her as good as you get.

There have been several embarrassing photos of Spokescat Liza taken in the past year. Have them enlarged and pin them up in every room of the shelter. Toss a few grains of Nyger Seed in her bed, then shriek “FLEAS” which is sure to bring Mrs. M. on the run with Revolution. She may even plonk Liza in the tub. You get the idea. Soon, Liza will realize that the tables have been turned and she will stop bullying you. Good luck, Franco. Please let me know how things work out.

Yours truly,
Dr. Stella Wigglebum

Cheddar, the resident chef, whips up lunch in microwave.

From the Desk of Liza
Two of our residents, Walton and Antonia, recently found their forever homes. We are delighted at their good news.

A newcomer to our shelter is 12-week-old Banfield who was rescued by a caring man who brought him to us. This kitten was covered in fleas and flies had lain eggs all over his small body. Mrs. Moffatt gave him a bath and was happy to discover that there were no open sores on his body, despite all of his unwanted house guests. This little fellow soon will be available for adoption and we wish him a bright future in his new home.

Our roving reporter and resident ham, Franco, reports that five more members of the Icky family will be joining us soon. Their names are Slick, Ickster, Pickles, Tickle Me Elmo, and Icarus. These cats have cousins by the dozens it seems.

Franco also tells me that volunteer Dolores Wallace visited the Ameliasburgh Library this week to give a talk on pet care. Of course, as resident spokescat, I should have accompanied her, but my duties here made it impossible for me to make a personal appearance on this occasion.

Cub reporter Doren has reminded me that our big yard sale is coming up soon. We hope to see all of our friends and supporters here. This will be our social event of the season. Don’t miss it.

-Until next week,

Liza

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Click here for more Loyalist Humane Society blogs and other Margaret Haylock Capon features