Anonymous bail bondsman frees Zeke in time for Christmas

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A Sheltered Life – stories as told to Maggie Haylock-Capon, by Liza, resident greeter at the Loyalist Humane Society. (Photographs by Alan R. Capon)

(If you are unable to adopt a cat or kitten, there are many other important ways to help the LHS. Donations of Javex and other household cleaning products, garbage bags, grocery bags, litter, cat food and kitten food are welcome. The Loyalist Humane Society is located on County Road 4, (Talbot Street), near the intersection of Tripp Road.)

UPDATE:  Zeke will be home for the holidays, thanks to the generosity of an anonymous donor.
A resident of the Loyalist Humane Society, the black and white cat this week was pictured in this blog. He had taken part in some shady shelter shenanigans and it was facetiously noted that his photo was actually a “mug shot”. Bail for the convict cat had been set at $5.
Shelter manager Anne Moffatt reports that a man stopped at the shelter this week, gave her $5 and said he was making bail for Zeke.
Who knew that cats had bail bondsmen?

Merry Christmas to All!

Liza in Hot Water – Seconds after this photo was snapped, resident greeter Liza arose from her nap atop a stack of blankets on the kitchen counter. Still sleepy, she tripped while climbing out of bed and unfortunately slid into the sink, which happened to be full of water. Franco is still laughing.

What an exciting time of year, here at our shelter. Mysterious packages arrive and there is great speculation as to their contents. All of our residents are on their best behaviour, in hopes of securing a forever home for the holidays. Well – almost all of our residents. I am disappointed to report that there was another distressing incident at this week’s meeting of my book club.

As you know, my fellow club members and I decided to hire some muscle to patrol outside my home during the meeting. Saylor, Robson, Steak and a newcomer named Douglas Fur arrived promptly at 7 p.m. and took up their posts. All of us felt secure, knowing that Zeke, Franco, and their pals would not dare to show their whiskers. Little did we realize that Franco had made a few plans of his own.

Using Mrs. Moffat’s lap-top, he had e-mailed a message to Queen of the Ferals, Spitty Riley, who rules Dormitory C, asking if she and her friends would like to earn a few bags of Temptations. She was quick to fall in with his plans when she heard the “T” word. Barely had our meeting started when she sashayed past my window, winked, then purred, “Hello, Saylor”. She had him in a heartbeat. Lured by the promise of a romantic evening at her apartment, he followed her into the night, only to be hit over the head with a bag of litter by a thug named Pink, who is one of Spitty’s low-life pals.

Minutes later, Hissy Missy prowled past my house, swaying her hips seductively. She sidled up to Robson, observed that it was a lovely evening with a full moon and suggested he join her for a saucer of milk at the Talbot Street Bistro. Off he went, only to be sand-bagged by Pink and dragged into the bushes with Saylor. That left Steak and Douglas Fur who were envious that their pals had dates for the evening. Steak suggested that they sneak over to Vicky Icky’s pad since there was a rumour that her teddy bear always keeps cat grass hidden under his mattress. Off went our last two security guards, leaving us unprotected.

Once again, it was Torte to the rescue. When she saw that our protectors had deserted their posts, she realized that it was time to “come heavy”. She put out an emergency call to Bess, Tess, Crawford and Mosely and they charged up to my front door, just as Zeke, Franco and their pals were about to plug the chimney of my house and fill my living room with smoke. Zeke literally flew from the scene, screaming, “I’ll go, I’ll go, don’t sit on me.” Crawford, our resident legal advisor, charged the miscreants with disturbing the peace and Mosely, his partner, volunteered to represent them in court, for a fee. I insisted that Spitty Riley should be charged as well, but Crawford said no one messes with the Queen of the Ferals. He suggested that I invite her to join our book club. Perhaps it would encourage her to develop an appreciation for the finer things of life. The next novel that we plan to discuss is titled “Kitten Up a Tree”, the autobiography of feline pole dancer Clawdette LaMew.

Now, on to holiday activities here at the shelter. Christmas is a magical season and all of our residents are hoping that Santa Claus will bring them a forever home. If you have been struggling to find that purr-fect gift, follow me and I may be able to give you a few suggestions.

Douglas Fur
A newcomer rescued as a stray on Rednersville Road, Douglas is one of the handsomest cats at our shelter. He adjusted very quickly to his new home with us, but is hopeful of permanent placement with a family of his own. If you are decorating for Christmas, be sure to add Douglas to your shopping cart. He would add the purr-fect touch to any decor. He’s young, gorgeous and available.

Grease Monkey
Found sheltering in a garage, Grease Monkey’s suit was in dire need of a trip to the cleaners. This 10-month old cat will be a very handsome gentleman after a few more treatments of Grease-Be-Gone. He is very sweet-natured and is now ready for a fresh start in life.

Al Bumkins
What better gift in a Christmas stocking than adorable little Al Bumkins? He and his sister, Marcy, are hoping against hope, that someone will adopt them together. They have been two against the world, ever since their arrival at the shelter. It’s the season of miracles and fingers are crossed that their dream will come true.

Marcy Bumkins
A sweet tortoiseshell kitten, Marcy Bumkins does not want to be separated from her brother, Al. Her Christmas wish is the same forever family for both of them.

Rocky
Rocky is our resident Sheik of Araby. At night, when they’re asleep, into their tent he’ll creep, to steal it right out from under them. Last week, he moved into Madame R’s home. This week, he has targeted still another resident’s abode. Rumour has it that he plans to evict everyone in tent city, then sell their abodes as low-fee condos. Here he is one-on-one with Bobbit.

Shannon
An ear infection has left Shannon with a permanent tilt to her head, which everyone here at the shelter finds charming. Her quizzical look is very endearing. This little tiger and white miss has her paws crossed that someone will love her despite her minor disability. If you would like a new best friend who cocks her head attentively, whenever you speak, look no further. Shannon is your girl.

Lily
Undecided about whether to adopt an orange cat, a black cat, or, perhaps a striking white puss? Not to worry, for Lily offers a delightful blend of all three colours. This lovely miss in Calico would be an ideal family pet. There is no longer any need to be indecisive for Lily has it all.

Eddie
Meet Eddie, a distinguished gentleman in a pin-striped suit. He has been articling with resident legal advisor Crawford and hopes to take his place in the business world, soon. If you are in search of an upwardly mobile cat with an ambitious career plan, don’t overlook Fast Eddie.

Princess
Princess is one of the sweetest cats at the shelter but she is feeling a little down these days. She was elated when chosen to replace Other Kat who was scheduled to attend the Bloomfield Craft Fair last week. When stage fright gave him the trots, Mrs. Moffat knew that she could count on Princess to save the day. However, while many people admired Princess, there were no offers of a forever home. You could make her dreams come true by offering her a home of her own for the holidays.

Lazy-Boy
Too embarrassed to be identified, this shelter resident enjoys napping his day away in the windowsill. If you are seeking a quiet cat guaranteed never to claw furniture or climb the drapes just ask for him. This lad is a sleeper.

Zeke (Mug Shot)
This is Zeke’s mug shot, snapped after he was taken into custody following his attempt to plug the chimney on Liza’s house. A fixture at the shelter, he is well-known for his hobby of flying. Unfortunately, he did not fly the coop fast enough when the long arm of the law reached out to grab him by the scruff of the neck. Bail has been set at $5.

Robson and Friend
Al Bumkins is being mentored by Robson, a handsome cat-about-town who has lots of good tips for a young kitten. Robson is still seeking his forever home and is open to offers.

Poster Puss for December
Saylor, whose previous nickname was Starvin’ Marvin, came to the shelter after being caught panhandling in Bloomfield. A scrawny cat with a dull coat and a large open sore on his side, he was certainly no prize. After a few weeks of loving care, he morphed into a beautiful cat with a luxurious fur coat. The sore on his side is fully healed and he is now ready for his new home. He is a gentle, sweet-natured cat who would be a wonderful Christmas surprise in anyone’s stocking.

News Flashes From Franco
There has been a population explosion at our shelter. We now have approximately 280 residents, an increase of a little over 10 percent. Many of this year’s rug rats were not adopted and they are now swelling our ranks.

Our numbers have just dropped by two, with the adoption of Cleo by one of our volunteers, who is calling her a Christmas present to herself and La-Te-Da has found his forever home with a Trenton family.

A mini-forest has sprung up on the lawn here. Once again, this year, we are selling Christmas trees as a shelter fundraiser. Newcomer Douglas Fur is in charge of sales. The trees sell for $40 each.

A little boy named Kai, who is the son of one of our volunteers, thinks he is a cat. He even signs his name “Kai Kat”. For his birthday he asked his young friends to bring presents for us, instead of gifts for him. We are very grateful for his thoughtfulness.

Don’t forget our bake sale at the Armoury Mall this weekend and Lorain Sine’s Christmas concert at Picton United Church on Dec. 14. All of the proceeds go to our shelter.
-Franco

From the Desk of Liza:
Don’t forget the Christmas meeting of our book club on Dec. 19th at 7 p.m. Holiday refreshments will be served and there will be musical entertainment provided by Caruso and Figaro. Beyonce will lead us in singing carols and there will be a special draw prize. The lucky winner will have his or her photo taken with me. What a Christmas present!
-Until next week,
Liza
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Visions of forever homes dancing in their heads

Merry Christmas, Everyone!

Oops! It appears that Madame has been indulging in a few too many Temptation treats of late. Check out those hips. This candid shot of Liza was snapped by Franco who says that our shelter will soon be home to Torte and Re-Torte if Liza keeps chowing down on snacks.

I know it is a little early for Season’s Greetings, but I am really excited about the holidays this year. For the first time, I will be decorating my very own home! I have all sorts of wonderful ideas thanks to Martha Mewart, a clever puss who belongs to my ghostwriter, Maggie. Her latest suggestion will require a trip to the store this week. I will be buying tea lights to ring my litter box, for a festive holiday touch.

There was great excitement here, last week, and everyone is still talking about the tragedy that was narrowly averted, thanks to the quick thinking of our brave heroine, Torte. When Franco and his friends learned that a meeting of our new book club was to be held at my cottage, they decided to make it a real blast. That low life, Cruiser obtained some fireworks and Zeke volunteered to pitch them through the window of my new home while our meeting was in progress.

Zeke pussyfooted right up to the window of my living room, prepared to toss a lighted firecracker, just as Madame R rose to give her views on the symbolism contained in Little Red Riding Hood. Luckily, our member at large, Torte, who must listen at the door during our meetings, because she is too wide to get through it, spotted Zeke.

Instantly, she realized what he planned to do and knew that she must take action. Even if she were to shout a warning it would be too late to stop Zeke from throwing that firecracker. With no thought for her own safety, she did the only thing that she could to save the day. She sailed (flopped, actually) through the air, body checked Zeke, then sat on him. The firecracker exploded and Zeke’s whiskers were badly singed. Unfortunately, our courageous Torte lost a large patch of fur on her fanny in the blast. Franco and friends who were hidden in the bushes, beat a hasty retreat, leaving Zeke to take all the blame.

When I and my fellow book club members rushed outside to see what had happened we found a deflated Zeke desperately pleading with Torte to get off him. She refused to budge until he made a formal apology to all of us for his abominable behaviour. After he had mumbled “Sorry”, Torte rose to her paws and Zeke limped off, looking as if he had been ironed flat.

Torte was warmly thanked by all of us and someone suggested that we should carry her back to the Laundry Room on our shoulders. However, that idea was swiftly abandoned given the magnitude of the task.

We have vowed not to allow Franco and his friends to diminish our pleasure in our newly formed book club. There will be another meeting next week. The book we have chosen for discussion is The Three Little Pigs, a no-holds-barred expose of slipshod contractors in the building trades. To ensure that our meeting is not disrupted by hooligans, I have hired “muscle”. Robson, Saylor, and Crawford will patrol outside my cottage. If Zeke and his friends dare to show up, they will find themselves with a weighty problem.

With Christmas just around the corner, many of our residents are dreaming of celebrating the season in a forever home. You could make their dreams come true. Follow me and choose your new best friend from our Chris-Puss Wish Book.

Torte
Torte, the heroine who saved the day and taught Zeke and his friends a lesson.

Rocky
When Madame R complained that her green tent was too small for the crowd attracted by her séances, Mrs. Moffatt arranged for a new one. No sooner had it been delivered that Rocky marched inside and claimed it. An eviction notice is being prepared by Crawford, Madame R.’s attorney and will be delivered post haste.

Saylor
There’s no place like home for the holidays and handsome Saylor is longing for a family of his own. This striking black and white cat would give the WOW factor to anyone’s home decor. If you are seeking a feline companion of good looks and distinction be sure to ask for Saylor.

Al
Meet Al Bumkins, a delightful harlequin kitten who is experiencing temporary problems with his exhaust system. Once they have been resolved, he will be ready for his forever home. He’s very excited about his new Christmas dinner bowl and can hardly wait for the holidays.

Son of Franco
The whole shelter is abuzz with the story of how Zeke tried to throw a firecracker through the window of Liza’s new cottage, during a meeting of her book club. Franco’s son is obviously telling the story to anyone who will listen. He insists that his dad was not the mastermind behind this evil plot.

Steak
Steak, one of the handsomest cats at the shelter, is eager to find a home for the holidays. With his good looks, it should be an easy task.

Siesta Time
Residents of the LHS enjoy nap time.

Jude
Meet Jude, a friendly tiger puss who is hoping against hope that he will find a family to love him. An injury has left him with sight in just one eye and the offending peeper will soon be removed and stitched shut. If you enjoyed Pirates of the Caribbean, you’ll love Jude. who would look jaunty indeed with an eye patch. This special kitten deserves a forever home for Christmas. Can you make his dream come true?

Main House Calico
Main House Callie is a senior cat who would like nothing better than a home of her home with a fellow Boomer. Still very beautiful, she credits her fetching looks to frequent naps.

Abercrombie
A distinctive name for a distinguished cat. Handsome Abercrombie is young and eager for adventure. He would be the purr-fect family cat. If you have been dreaming of a fur for Christmas, look no further. Visit our shelter and adopt Abercrombie today.

La Te Da
Lovely La Te Da is feeling a little down these days. Despite being one of the prettiest cats at the shelter she is still without a forever home. She has just written a letter to Santa, asking him to bring her a family of her very own for Christmas.

Mrs. O’Neill
Despite her young age, Mrs.O’Neill is a motherly little soul. Not only did she raise her own kittens, but also a number of orphans who came into care at the shelter last summer. She is now spayed and awaiting adoption. This small tiger cat has earned her stripes and deserves a loving home for the holidays.

Francesca
Francesca is looking a bit glum these days, for it seems that once again she will be having Christmas dinner at the shelter. Each year, she hopes for a forever home but is always overlooked when potential adopters visit the shelter. Make Christmas merry for this beautiful, mature cat. Invite her to dinner at your house.

Milk Dud
Milk Dud may seem like an unusual name for a cat, but if the shoe fits – – – . This young calico miss arrived at our shelter with two day-old kittens that she refused to nurse. Sadly, Mrs. M. was unable to save them and they died. Milk Dud, who was obviously totally unprepared for motherhood, has now been spayed and is ready for her forever home.

Kay
A sweet tiger tabby, Kay would be a welcome addition to any household. Although she dresses very conservatively, her endearing ways make her a stand-out. Add a red bow and place beneath the Christmas tree for a gift that is sure to please.

Lyndon
Found at North Beach, Lyndon is now wintering at our shelter. A keen surfer he spent the summer catching waves. When cold weather came, he and gal pal Nora were delighted to take advantage of our hospitality. If you are looking for friend who enjoys summer sports, be sure to check out our resident beach bum. You are likely to find him practising high dives from his tower.

The Odd Couple
Nicky Icky (tiger cat) and Moo Moo have very little in common, other than the fact that both have rural roots. Nicky is very unsophisticated while Moo Moo spends her days reading Martha Stewart magazines. She says she looks forward to the day when she will have a home of her own to decorate. Nicky just heaves a sigh of boredom and says “Whatever”.

Cuddy (aka E.T.)
Cuddy was surrendered to our shelter when his owner was no longer able to care for him. His remarkable resemblance to E.T. makes him the perfect choice for Star Wars fan. Cuddy requires a special diet kibble to remain in top form.

News Flashes From Franco
Unfortunately a clever plan to blow the socks off Liza and members of her book club has failed miserably. Poor Zeke was as flat as a pancake after Torte sat on him. When rescued, all he could manage to gasp out was “Bad air day”.

Liza has hired muscle cats to patrol her property but word has it that Cruiser and Zeke are recruiting a gang of thugs. It seems that a few boys from the back room claim that they can take down Robson, Saylor, and Crawford. The plan is to lure them away from their post with the aid of femme fatale Spitty Riley and her sidekick Hissy Missy. Those two girls can fight! Once Saylor and friends are out of the way, Cruiser and his pals will go to work. Stay tuned for further developments.

On a sad note, a long-time resident of our shelter, Running Bear, has crossed the Rainbow Bridge. A senior resident, he was with us at our original shelter on Broad Street In Picton. We will miss him a great deal.

There have been several adoptions here recently. Lois Lane found her forever home and so did Dolly, who is receiving rave reviews from her new owner. Two de-clawed cats came into care recently and were adopted from Robyn’s Nest and Spaw in a flash. This week, Bogo is auditioning there so be sure to see him.

One of our most popular seniors, Lefty, now has a sponsor. We are very happy for him. It’s a wonderful Christmas present for this well-loved old-timer.

Dovey -Feeling alone and unloved? Dreading the holidays with no significant other? The answer to your problem is waiting for you at our shelter. Meet Dovey who was previously employed at a kissing booth. She cuddles, kisses, and purrs with delight, with just the slightest encouragement. This young miss would love to spend New Year’s Eve with you and at midnight you, too, could receive a loving kiss under the mistletoe.

Social Notes From Dovey (who kissed Mrs. M. until she finally agreed that she could become a cub reporter)

Don’t miss Lorain Sine’s Christmas concert, coming up next month at Picton United Church. More details to follow. It’s sure to put you in the holiday spirit.

The shelter’s annual Bake Sale will be held Dec. 13 at the Armoury Mall in Picton. There will be lots of home-baked treats for your holiday table.

The Christmas season is a time for sharing with those who are less fortunate. Our shelter is always in need of wet cat food so if you would like to remember your four-footed friends during the holidays, we would be very grateful for donations of tinned food. Each donor who leaves a gift at our shelter will receive a Christmas kiss from moi. And they don’t call me hot lips for nothing.

-Must dash,
Dovey

Jack Jarvis  has already found his forever home but is so handsome that he insisted on having his picture taken. He is shown wearing the festive red velvet suits that he enjoys sporting throughout the holiday season. Shown with him is shelter manager Mrs.Moffatt, who is also in red.

From the Desk of Liza
I am pleased to report that the new owner of our own Jack Jarvis and her friends recently held a bake sale. They also raffled a basket of goodies and kindly donated the proceeds ($80.) to our shelter. We are very grateful for their kindness.The generosity of this community always helps to make our Christmas bright.

-Until next time,
Liza

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